Serious

This ones on the serious side today (actually, all of my messages here are serious, affirming, 'good news' messages) but the past few days something has been weighing on my mind.

Sadly I'm not the only one going through this.  Each day the same thing happens to people all over the USA and elsewhere: that it hit me and I've been keeping  it pretty much to myself hasn't helped.

I lost my gosh darn good health insurance at the start of the month.  Thank goodness I have a full months of my HIV medicines and some good support around me (not that I've asked YET).

Having no insurance and needing medical care I applied for Ryan White funded help.   Ryan has helped me before so it's not shame but shock.

By "screwing my courage to the sticking place" and went through Central Intake.  Now in my line of work, I've been there before and sat through a few interviews but this was MY INTAKE and it hit home again

For this entire week, just like so many others, I'm at the mercy of case managers,new doctors, affordable insurance, etc.

The agency I've been assigned is one of the beneficiary's of the SMART ride so now, more than ever, this one IS about ME.    I NEED YOUR support since as in all of our lives, we're all in this together
Anything you give will go to help not just me but hundreds of others since 100% of all money raised goes right to work (we, the SMART ride committee covers overhead other ways)

https://www.thesmartride.org/8/pledge/pages/223/

Me at Ryan White's grave 

Other than

Just as I hit "create a new entry" and typed in the title, this song came to mind: it's from Sesame Street (the voice of innocence and learning). The song is "One of These Things is Not Like the Others"

Three of these kids belong together

Three of these kids are kind of the same

But one of these kids is doing his (her) own thing

Now it's time to play our game

It's time to play our game. 

Through my eyes I see a world full of hate, racism, and prejudice.

In my dreams I see a world full of love, equality and acceptance. 

It is up to me and you; US to ensure these worlds will collide. This can only be accomplished by learning to embrace diversity. In order to embrace and appreciate it though, we must realize its importance

I'm a gay man, HIV positive & white while my friends are not the same.  Sure it's easy (could also mean LAZY) to keep my friends who are like me.   I did a quick check of my Facebook friends and woot: 

Let me tell you, the Untied Colors of Benneton doesn't come close.

They run full pallet of race, age, size, ethnicity, back ground, economic status, etc.

Heck, the person who said to me today, "It's not about me: I enjoy your blog"out of the blue isn't a facebook friend or some one I recognize: one of  the few people who do read this AND Remember

When I worked at a zoo outside Chicago I honestly think I had a girl friend.  A female emu would greet me at the fence,   I've even seen her run to me when my tram stopped by.  

I LOVE YOU for being YOU, not because you and I look alike, live alike, eat the same kinds of foods but because we are NOT the same. 

Who do you embrace & call FRIEND?

Amends

Just because this is coming out right before a Sunday I'll clarify, this is about amends, not Amen!!!

From amende, a French word (more accurately  Middle French) to make repairs when used in today's message, it's about sharing our/MY mistakes and seeking forgiveness.

Making amends is also part of almost all 12 step programs, unless "when to do so would injure them or others."

I know when I offer forgiveness or seek it I am humbled.

When I'm wrong, clinging to misguided  notions of a need to "preserve your (my) reputation" at all costs, or by simply being stubborn, are poor options

Two words seldom used in our language have THE most powerful meaning and impact

"I'm sorry"

Friends

This has NOTHING to do with a bar or TV show of the same name, well mostly.  I'll admit to having a few friends, people I can talk with on any topic, share ideas with, break bread with, etc.

On Facebook I have a LOT of "friends" though some are really businesses or organizations there are only a handful I could call and say "Lets go for coffee,"  & I'm fine with that.

My close friends, those I know in real life, have changed over time as all things do.

One person who was my best friend: we worked together, went to church together, hit the gym together moved very far away.  I mean oceans away.  Prior to email, we'd write real letters and up until a move about 4 years ago, I kept three stacks of those "AIR MAIL" envelopes with letters from him.

Now, he sends out a Group letter via email and that's OK.  I've moved too.
Having moved a 1000 miles from where I lived for 40+ years,  finding new ones took time and I'm glad I took it.

The small circle of friends I have now fits in just right

I've also learned  "The only way to have a friend is to be one" - Emerson

Regrets

"Regrets, I'd had a few.. but then again I did id My way"   Oh you Frank Sinatra ya old crooner: you said it MY WAY.

I don't recall when I gave up having regrets since they only (to me) bring sadness - but I have a few
One is I  never saw Johnny Cash sing live. Listening to his music on my iPod is now is as close as I'll get now.  

Looking to the future now is how "I roll"  Seeing whats ahead while knowing where I've been (and hopefully learning lessons along the way) offers a brightness and I look for a future "with infinite possibilities  now.

Trust

"Trust me, I'm from the government!!"  I always got a kick out of that line/joke..

I do however trust most people. It's left me feeling hurt more than once but hey, it's all a growth process.

From Disney's version of  "The Jungle Book"   Kaa, a giant python tries to lure Mowgli into trusting him with this song

Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me
You can sleep safe and sound
Knowing I am around

Slip into silent slumber
Sail on a silver mist
Slowly and surely your senses
Will cease to resist

Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me

I have NO reason to NOT trust a snake since non have ever harmed me. However, I do know some are poisonous as are some people in our lives

It's learning to not hear a song but hear  a persons heart to trust them

Until proven otherwise I TRUST you

Share

The true gift of getting what you give is truly a blessing in disguise. Know that you teach others by your actions, so do as you would have them do and you will lead by example. That is how you turn karma towards your advantage, my friends.

I wish I knew how to hold inspirational seminars because I am pretty sure I would be so far good as to turn everyone into my equal, watch them surpass me of their own volition, and then I would have a plethora of teachers to learn from for the rest of my joyous life. I can't think of a better way of living.

Sharing really is caring. 

Who will YOU share this with?

I know that in November, I'll be sharing my ability to ride  my bicycle and help others

R. J. Hadley

This November I'm riding from Miami to Key West to raise money for agencies that help people with HIV/AIDS

SMART Ride 9  Rider #223

 

http://tiny.cc/RJRidesforAIDS