Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Depression

“I often compare depression to the monster-under-the-bed mentality. You never know when it will creep out of its lair, ready to attack and make your life even more difficult and trying,”

That can be a powerful statement and one I'm far too familiar with.  Although I try to maintain an upbeat personality I too feel depressed.  

I recently read this about depression. I know no step by step program will change things I choose to pick what works (an A. A. expression!!)

After you read thought this PLEASE comment on my blog about how YOU work though depression.

https://preview.tinyurl.com/affirmblog




Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Discomfort Zone

Have you used "I'd rather stay in my comfort zone?" I know I have and do other stay there. The word COMFORT alone speaks volumes.  Webster defines the word or feeling "the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress."  

volumes Living in my comfort zone hasn't always been easy.  Coming out at 17yrs to my mom. Getting an HIV status at 24  A stroke at 41 and admitting I need help makes this guy from a German background uneasy.

It's when I left my comfort zone that I grew and continue to still.  Just this blog alone "It's not about me" well it is about me: I write from my experience hoping to find or share a connection with you and yours.

If I had stayed in my comfort zone during chemo treatments in the 1994 I'd have never bicycled across Alaska, lived/worked in Kenya or even moved from closeness of family to southern Florida

Some times it's good to leave our/my  comfort zone to find out that the discomfort zone doesn't last long

Please comment here to share if you find entering "The Discomfort Zone" helpful



Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Do It

In the past few months I've been super busy starting  a non profit.  It's taken time and money.
At times I get so frustrated at the delays etc I feel like giving up then I hear some one say "We need this"

I WILL follow the directions of my dreams. do you follow yours?


Thursday, November 15, 2018

Teach Them Well

Crosby Still Nash and Young sang a song in the sixties "Teach Your Children Well"

One big line in this song is "So just look at them and sigh and know they love you"

I try to tell people I care about "I love you   especially  the ones who changed my life: mom, family come to mind first.

Lets teach us and everyone, OUR CHILDREN well by telling them how much we care and that we love them


Monday, November 12, 2018

Does Not Expire

Your dream doesn't have an Expiration date

I read that quote, it often ends with  "Take a deep breath and try again" ascribed to KT Witten
For the purpose of this blog I'm sticking with the first line.  Steve Pieters wrote in his book I'm Still Dancing "God does not stamp our feet with an expiration date"  Steve has been living with AIDS since mid 1980s so he knows a thing about potential exasperations!!

Have you ever felt that you  just cant go on? A relationship failed, finances are abysmal, etc?  I know I have.  Regardless I know from previous low life moments I'll survive.   There is no expiration on what I, WE can achieve



Sunday, September 16, 2018

Loving My Past

I heard it said "You  cannot relive the past"     Once something happens that moment is complete.
But these guys were talking about "what if anything about your past would you change or would you?"  This was part of a discussion that stemmed from a reading in Color of Light.

Most of agreed, we may not be at the exact place we wanted to be or since I prefer I statements "I am not where I thought I'd be in life, I can say I'm ok if not downright pleased. 


It's good know my story, my life journey and the pitfalls and the mountain tops.

I've had rich experiences that make up whom I am today. Climbing mountains in Cimarron New Mexico, working in Kenya.  Riding my bicycle trough a  cloud in Alaska are only a few of the joys I've known on this path.   Had I not been HIV positive I know I'd never do those things, felt that awe or such

I'm not looking back but embracing my life: there's a brilliant future ahead and a past I adore




Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Nike

For my USA friends who follow news I'm guessing your aware of the "Nike Controversy"
Basically Nike corporation has advertising using Collin Kaepernick using a phrase"Believe in something even it means sacrifice"    Despite what others say or write, by affirming is idea of protesting he's lost the opportunity to play football professionally.  

Whether you agree or not he's making a bold statement.  I've done that to when I don't say with shame I am not only gay/queer but someone with HIV whose in recovery.  

What statement do you take to be bold about?  Just do it



Sunday, August 26, 2018

Starting Something New

Two years ago my divorce became finalized.   I didn't date right off, Not even after several moatnths.
Even then each date seemed base.  I asked myself recently the same question I asked after becoming single: "Will I date again?"

Since there is no set rule I'm still playing this one by ear

I also completed grad school and I'm not really working in the field I studied for, until now

Something new came along and it is in the form of a friend I've known for 20 years
I'll be helping an organization in Palm Beach County. 

Bottom line, in one way I'm starting new again.   Is there some part of your life where you can start new, too?





Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Change

My friend from church has some wise comments.  He's soft spoken yet he gets his point and message across.  He helps so many build change each week, too.

I'll admit that I have feared changes: new home, job, even just the weather.  Why fear what I cant change?    I CAN  change my mood, my outlook and expectations

'Lets you and i not WAIT for change but embrace it as growth



Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Goodness is as Goodness Does

Webster defines "doing goof" thusly


make a helpful contribution to a situation

There seems t be an increasing  amount of frustration and anger.  I think it the divisions growing in American lives (dare i say politics?).    

Even as I try to live an even keel existence I'm very frustrated.  That's when I'm reminded people through out time could use reminders to be good to each other.   

I will refocus on being kind when others are not so, I will be understanding when other people hold differing outlooks.  Can we do this together?

Remember, too t be good o yourself.   I ca do good when my mind, body and spirit are in good shape


Monday, July 9, 2018

Door and You

"A entry door can make all the difference"

I read that on someones Instagram and it made think

How do I open up to others?  Am I like a bank vault, a screen door, a pair of French doors or a swinging one?

I choose to be open yet guarded.  How about you???



Friday, June 22, 2018

This Too

This, too shall pass is often said when something goes not as expected. 

I've learned through a divorce, cancer diagnosis, addiction: things often called bad, don"t last.
I'm OK dating now, cancer was treated and addiction is being addresses

This, too shall pass...

I heard someone offer a retort, good things pass, too.

For those who have read this blog for some time know I believe all things change

Facing a challenge I have seen a pebble feel like a boulder. By facing a problem that pebble will remain a pebble. 

Moving forward I can put that pebble to use and add it to cover the path on this journey

This, too shall pass..

In the musical Godspell there is an appropriate song  By My Side    Please listen to the words







Monday, June 11, 2018

Beautiful Surfaces

A powerful line in a poem by Nietzsche "There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth"
got me to ponder.  What beauty and how far the depth?

I read the depth is my underlying self or my "id"  Who do I see when I look in the mirror? Do i reflect peace, joy, love or angst, misunderstanding and disrespect?

Regardless I hope we can see into each others real depth and see that beauty surface


Sunday, June 3, 2018

mind your own business

Did Jesus or Buddha or Maya Angelou ever say “mind your own business*”? Because that’s some good advice.
*sometimes deciding what’s your business is complicated. But alw
ays assume it’s not your business.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Mission You

I'm having to work on a mission statement for a non profit with the board of directors.

During the exploratory process I began to question if I had a mission statement!

It didn't take a long time after realizing what kind of work I do, where I went to school and what I write frequently about

To live life with acceptance, share joy,  express love and share that

Joy with others

I hope you can create and live your own mission statement


Friday, May 25, 2018

Negating Negativity

My friend E. Scott does not dress in normative male clothing.  Semi goth os more the style. He lives in rural America, a city where KKK has members. While riding a city bus, some guy kept taunting E Scott.  The last comment made was "does that bother you, princess?"

E. Scott replied in his usual calm demeanor "What makes you think that you matter?"

People on the bus cheered my friends response

Dud you ever hear
Your opinion of me is none of my business." (Cribbed from Mark Twain)

I choose to have a positive mind


Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Standards

As an open HIV positive gay man I've learned some people think  (read accuse) me of having no to low standards.    1st, being queer is not about sex, 2nd HIV is a disease, not a way of life

In all things I strive for honesty, compassion, trust and affirming life
An
You who have read my blog from the beginning may have figured out I'm a 12 step person.

None if those speaks of lowering standards.

 My question or charge  for my readers:  Do you maintain standards and do our best to live up to them




Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Bloom

Maybe its a spring feeling, I've seen people working hard to impress someone.  A few people actually.
Perhaps its due to New Years resolutions not being realized. Perhaps its graduations or just rain (our southern Florida rainy season is starting).


For me, I'm not impressing anyone but me. I plan to keep feeling uplifted.



Thursday, May 3, 2018

Safer Together

"It is said, again and again, that the gazelle that is eaten is the one outside the herd or at the edge of the herd, not one in the middle of the herd."  - Bill W


One reason I like having a roommate is just knowing someone else who cares about the place, is there.  

My job keeps me around people and that's GOOD in my line of work

Yes, there are times that I appreciate solitude too.  Its keeping a safe balance that brings peace


Thursday, April 19, 2018

Pause

Pause

I heard a phrase I really like. It came up during a conversation on being perfect. I know I'm far from perfect yet I strive to do my best.  When that fails, and it does fail I'll remind me of this


Pause the crazy; it doesn't have to be perfect 


Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Peace

Shootings, weather, safety and general angst seem to be "the order of the day."

Knowing that my happiness is defined by me, I try to find peace..Easier said than dine, I know






Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Embrace Differances

None of us share 100% compatibility. I find those different aspects, outlooks refreshing
Goodness knows I've tried to find friends just like me or mold others to meet MY lifestyle, etc


Have you ever tried to teach a fish how to fly? One of the characteristic of a fish is to swim, not to fly. And the fish is not interested to fly. So do not bother the fish and respect the fish as it is


Thanks to an unexpected friend, Maccoy Cervantes Moreno for today's idea

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Responsibility

With experience comes responsibility

I messaged that to a co worker. We've both been given new challenges.  Why? Because the people we work for know our skills and abilities.   Micheal and I could have complained "darn more work" instead we looked at ways to make things work


So much in life is like that.  Ill see my goodness, skills, education and meet challenges head on

Will you, too?