Monday, December 31, 2012


Is this just another day or some landmark we use to keep time in check?
Like our own birthday, New Years comes once a year and often brings people time to reflect on what happened the last twelve months and wonder what the next twelve have in store

I don't believe months have anything in store for you but what you bring to the months ahead does

For me, I'll honor my past, recall the challenges and rejoice in the path I'm on this year and coming years.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Future

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will.

 So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Hold On

When there's something or some one you like, hold onto it.  No ones life or comments can be yours.

Ready for a new career? Start the search!  Ready for a new location? Move. Made some bad decisions?
Work on creating a strategy to make better ones.

Those are never easy but when I/we can grasp our wants & needs, it's when we  "Make it so" they'll come true

Thursday, December 27, 2012


Some of the readers of "It's not all about me" are in relationships, some are not.

While reading a fellow blogger "Single by choice" I read this

I don't know if am single by choice, but I cannot be in a relationship if there isn't mutual love. I have friends who are couples because they can't be alone, but I can't do that

Single or not, life is more about love and caring, showing affirmation in who we all are.

When we/I live for others, I live for myself and that's love too.  Before I can  relate to someone, I better be able to love and relate to whom I am. I know YOU can too.

Side note: I found this interesting

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


What if today we were grateful for everything?

We can make it so.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Golden Rules

There's more to the "Golden Rule" than "Do unto others" and it's not a Christian rule/value alone

Confucius said much the same thing, long before Christianity "Never impose on others what you may not do for yourself"

To me, being honest, authentic and truthful is MY GOLD STANDARD & RULE

Can we, in this season of Christmas & hope/love live how we would like to be loved?

I'll keep trying

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Drama Free Zone

Not sure when I heard this but I really like "The only drama I want in my life is on a Broadway stage"

Sure, we all have something going on in our lives, Work, school, finances, family all add to  stresses that can feel like or appear to be DRAMA.

Its our dwelling on it or YIPE:, inviting it into our lives is when drama

I have a few unpleasant things going on in my life but with focus and wise action, I do my best to keep the problems from going "on stage" & reducing that drama

One definition of drama is "Constantly telling other people about ones problems or commenting on others"

IMHO, it's OK to complain or comment, its when we go on & on, like a one poorly written play, it's not wise to see 2x.

Let's look at what's good, enlightening  affirming and upbeat in our lives and others. Put them in those foot lights and see how the  drama ends

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Change We All Can Believe In your Facebook status can be changed. Create a better day for yourself & others will change around you

Saturday, December 15, 2012

All The Worlds a Stage

Drama belongs to Broadway, not the home.  When we (remember I  often write to myself as well asYOU)treat others as objects, share stories, speak unkind words: they come back to find you and BAM they'll hurt

When I hear people speaking bad or spreading lies, it reflects on who THEY are and not the person being talked about.

I'm here for you, your mind and spirit now matter what is going on. I support you

Your the star on this stage of life

Friday, December 14, 2012

50 and More

On Dec 13, I had another "birthday." Alive for 50 years and oh what a ride this has been.
If you would have asked me just a short 25 years ago where I'd be and what I'd be doing, it wouldn't be living in Florida, going back to school, working for a non profit or even looking for a wonderful future

Having been told “Odds are you’ll be dead in five to seven years  back in 1993, I’m  more than happy to live to  50 great years.

I've been blessed to work in Kenya, meet wild people  in Australia, cycle across Alaska and move far from the support of family and move from Chicago to Florida.

I've witnessed a president resign and the election of our first Black president.

I know isolation, heartbreak and joy and acceptance too

Soon I’ll return full time to my original career/calling and attend a grad school where I can grab my dreams.

50 is just a start

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Every Minute 12 12 12

Happiness isn't found in what you don't have, but wanting what you do have! 

Life teaches us in mysterious ways. Be grateful for every minute. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

It's Yours

"The world is yours, grasp it & enjoy it"

That's my motto this week.  Seeing the beauty of others, sharing stories, hearing of life: that's what I'm making TODAY.

Join me, grasp responsibility of our world & embrace it, all it's people & wonders and say it's yours

Just please be wise and don't abuse it.  It's a lot of other peoples word too.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I'm All That & So Are You

"I am what I am, I am my own special creation"

Besides being The Gay Anthem,  this song is a proud statement of the trials I've had & so many others,too

You are a special creation your self, whether you say it or sing it, it's the same

Soy lo que soy, Je suis ce que je suis, Ja sam ono što sam ja, 我什么我,

We all share the same feelings, even when we (and you know when I say WE, I mean I) have a down day, face major struggles, it's knowing we are all special creations that keeps me going

Color, age, ability, status, finances, race, orientation aside - we are that special loved person

Monday, December 3, 2012

Live boadly

Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you - no one would believe it

Saturday, December 1, 2012


December 1st each year is known as World AIDS Day.

It's a day for me at least, to remember friends gone & around me know

A day to support each other: remember the old chant "We All Have AIDS"?

So today, be a friend, learn how to live & cope, kill the stigma,

People with HIV are not "dirty" but still PEOPLE.

Dan Pallotta said it best: Human Kind - Be Both

Friday, November 30, 2012

Our Friends

My new friend Carlos reminded me of a quote I heard long ago

"Show me  your friends & I'll know who you are"

That's so like "We are the company we keep"

But life is not about quotes but actions.  One of my most read and shared blogs is also one of the shortest but the message is strong

Freshly Squeezed  

As I reflect the room mates I've had and relationships as well as work, I find the choices I've made when THINKING clearly mean much more

Who are your friends? Your mine and that's a blessing

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Creating Change

How many times I've told myself "I'll get that mess off my desk" only to add one more piece of mail has happened far too often.  From now on, I am changing my ways, old paper, thoughts & ideas can be the same.  When I don't need them, the best bet is to toss them.

How can I make sure I follow my plan?  By sharing it here and with a couple of friends; those who know me and will see that change.
Not too long ago I heard (and heard several times) Durrell Watkins say this

"I am the thinker who thinks the thought that changes things."

Change isn't easy but it's desirous  at least in clearing out that clutter both on my desk, in my mind and my life choices.

You and I can make all the changes we want when we're ready.

“If you are afraid to take a chance, take one anyway. What you don't do can create the same regrets as the mistakes you make.” 
                                        ― Iyanla Vanzant

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Help Wanted/Help Offered

It's been a few days after the USA's Thanksgiving where so many people enjoyed plenty of food, company, family gatherings, et al. Some had no where to go or no one to turn to.

Thankfully many churches and a few super people opened up their tables for strangers

Three years ago when I was new to the area I live in now, I called on those resources and met some new friends along the way.

Asking for help can in itself be uplifting.  Ask when needed: someone can help
Offer when & what you can: someone will need it

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Come alive

"Don't worry about the world or about changing it. Find out what makes YOU come alive and do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. And the more people who come alive in this world, the more it will make a difference." 

- Rj Starr

This past weekend, 400 + people rode bicycles from Miami to Key West to raise funds for people living with HIV/AIDS. All in all, we raised over $860,000.  Did we change the world? No, but a small part of it. Each persons reason for riding as they asked for donations told a story
Each new friend made changed a small part of our world and that brings hope 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A New Look at the Neighborhood

Mr Rogers sang to so many people for years about unconditional acceptance making life A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. His life there was simple & visits from friends non judgmental.
Fred Rogers kept life pleasant and odd. The Kingdom of make believe was too ideal but what's wrong with a dream?

Just a few moments ago I saw a video of him updated to moving music that i bet will make the dance floor rounds soon.

check out Mr Rogers remix and believe in something beautiful in YOUR neighborhood with me

Monday, November 12, 2012

Open Heart

When I find myself in a doldrum, it's usually of my own doing.  I am NOT following my own messages and seeing the good around me.  This upbeat affirming life I TRY to lead does have it's moments of sadness. 

What's good is I recognize that and DO some thing.  Reading helps - even looking back at what I wrote here or some  prolific author, maybe even one of the positive life affirming messages I've heard at the Sunshine Cathedral.

I'll admit these "downlooking" times of mine are usually late at night either when I'm getting work done or can't sleep.  Instead of counting sheep to try to sleep, I count on my qualities and say "LOOK WHERE I'VE BEEN" and see that days ahead are mine to live

That's when I open my heart and feel at ease

Friday, November 9, 2012

The Journey

"All of us are on a journey of transformation and where you are right now is the most important place for you to be!!"

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

No More Past

If you think of the past, you'll have empty tomorrows
  or as is said at the Sunshine Cathedral
"The past is the past & the future has infinite possibilities"

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Food for Thought

I have come to realize that the traits that other people have that I hate and am most bothered with IE arrogance, selfishness, impatience, aggression etc. are also my own worst traits.

(thanks to subscriber Richard for today's uplifting topic)

Monday, November 5, 2012

How Many Obstacles

Success is measured not so much by the position that one has reached, but rather by how many obstacles one has had to overcome to succeed

What have you done to succeed?

Friday, November 2, 2012

Smiles Everybody

Anything That Creates Smiles is Beautiful...

That TV show Fantasy Island  started with Tattoo saying "da plane boss, da plane" 
and Mr Roark would shout back "Smiles everybody, SMILES"

I notice daily that when I'm not smiling people comment and ask "where's that usual smile of yours?"

Smiles create warmth & trust so SMILES everybody, your here on Reality World

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

New Name

Why I  Ride is gone since the focus on my blog  has fully become affirming you and it's still Not About Me

Change is often hard to accept: a new home, friends move  on, employment changes,etc but new things abound each day all around us

Sandy has forced change on people in the upper East coast

Fall has set us here in South East Florida: I put on a sweater today!

We can dislike change or embrace it but it will happen so welcome it, embrace it and claim it as YOURS

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

It's Affirming

 If you've noticed I haven't blogged here for a few days. Not due to lack of interest or topics but in a wonderful way like you, I've been busy and that's AFFIRMING.

Two nights ago I got to see the Miami Ballet Company perform "Fire & Ice"
Watching the human spirit tell a story on stage with such finesse was AFFIRMING

Last week, the man my sister was dating passed and at his funeral, 100's of his motorcycle friends led a funeral parade that will be remembered and that's AFFIRMING.

In 8 days I head away from the Sunshine State to checkout two universities where I plan on finishing off my next degree and that's AFFIRMING

This past weekend, a former employer and friend planed and put forth another dynamic wedding and his company and blog is blooming  That's totally AFFIRMING (

Just 20 days from today I along with 500 other SMART friends will journey from Miami to Key West to raise funds for people with HIV/AIDS and that too, with YOUR help is AFFIRMING

Tell me reader, what's AFFIRMING in your life?  Use the link on the right side of this page to tell me.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Patterns of Life

I believe we become to know people by two means: Their history and their patterns

I see people who help others as kind with a pattern of caring

No Day Like Today

Besides a song from "RENT"  this simple phrase is one I try to live by

"No day like today, there's only yes"

Yesterday will never come back, tomorrow isn't even promised so I live for today

Not to say I don't recall what I've done or where I've been or plan for  a future

I just don't dwell on either

Thursday, October 18, 2012


The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim too high and we miss it, but we aim too low and reach it

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Much Like Pippen

I am {In Love} with a song, one song in particular. It's from a musical (hard to guess, right?)  Quidam from Cirque du Solei.

The world is yours, not mine Quidam.
Your dreams are yours.
You may have touched the stars but they weren't moved
If you reach for me, I may not choose to  hold your hand.
I might smile or turn away

An ordinary man, Quidam
I'm everyman
I'm anyman

Oh that song touches me, it's my life and perhaps yours, too
Dear reader, you may hardly know me but trust me, hardship has known my doorstep: near death, broken bones, a crushed heart, yet I reach and touch the stars.

You are my stars - and I am yours.  We feel each others pain, share each others joys and smile sometimes turning away.

We are every person, you and I and Quidam

We, you and I can touch the stars by helping others

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Mea Culpa

Apologizing doesn't mean you're right or wrong, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Toy Phone

It's so easy to get wrapped up in "the busy" and by that I mean, work & school, etc.

How humbling is it to see life from the point of view of a child?

We all were kids (and some of us still are)

Take time to listen to some and you may learn

Monday, October 8, 2012

Get UnStuck

"The difference between people who have a bad day and those who get "STUCK IN A RUT" is learning what to do when you feel that way." 

                                   ~Chalene Johnson

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Are you waiting for change and nothing changes?

Change yourself!!  If we/I do the opposite of everything done yesterday...

Go ahead & flip life on it's head

                    - Inspired by Oliver Douglas


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Open Mind

I do my best to look at all sides of an argument and I mean all sides, not the so called "two sides" since there can be more than two points of view

My religion fills me & I accept others: we're all on some kind of like minded path

Your workout routine, food choices may not be the same as mine & I embrace that.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Everyone Has A Past

Everyone has a past and a future it depends on how you want your future

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Off from the Races

Bullying seems to be not just a buzz word but something we here in the USA hear more & more about. People are put down for looks, sexual orientation, race etc.

How about we, you and I find that good in people?  Look beyond color, age, body size and those labels that come so easy.  Sure as little kids playing we seldom cared about who we played with at first: it took time to actually SEE differences

I admit that I grew up in a homogeneous environment. Mostly white families on tree lined streets.  My very first encounter with a Hispanic man was  Carlos L from Columbia. We were in second grade home room and thankfully lived exactly 8 houses away on the same block.  Oh the great smells of home cooking from  that house still linger in my mind.  Carlos and I became instant friends since we both were the same age and lived on the same street.

He ate at my families house as often as I did his.  We didn't care that he wasn't white like me or nor I as brown as he. We were just kids on the block

When was it I first heard the word "Spic?"  Who cares since Carlos wasn't "one of them," he was a friend.

In junior high school I met more kids of different races.  High school was more, much more diversified.  I'm thankful my own Boy Scout Troop wasn't all guys like me. Besides Carlos, I met Randy, Tyrone and others. We all wore the same khaki uniform.

I do my best to look beyond labels on people.  A race, a back ground, an age or ability is not how i see others.  I see the people who seem to be new to the USA on my block now and I wave "Hi" as I ride my bike past them on the way to work.

This mostly Haitian neighborhood is OURS and I'm not racing through it

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

One More Thing

When does "enough is enough" come to play?  Ending a relationship, changing a carer  moving across town or across the country WILL happen to each of us.

Relationships of friendships change.  I know I'm not best friends with Randy, the kid who lived next door to my family when I was not yet 5 years old.

Despite rekindling people on Facebook  my high school friends are not the same: We don't hang out after class, go to 'the mall' etc.

Change is the only constant in our lives so I've learned to embrace it. I know I'm NOT the same person I was just 8 years ago when living in Chicago I had my "wild times."   Heck in the the two years after my move to Ft Lauderdale, I know I've changed jobs already, dated people I PRAY I wont see again and started two small business that didn't fly (lets see how my #3 goes) and I'm back in school

Where are YOUR changes.  I know just in starting this blog, I'm inspired to do more, be more affirming, read more Louis Hay for example.

I'll try to avoid the Colombo concept and stop for "One more thing" and just see the good in others, be the good for others and share that love, agape love for you.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Boldly Go

Did you ever notice that a fair number of LGBT people are Star Trek fans?

Not all out groupies of "Trekers" but people who see something special in this series of television shows, movies & books that sounds safe, encouraging and oddly familiar.

"To Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before" is how many of us/ I lead our lives. We don't or didn't for YEARS have roll models to follow  as we start dating, setting up homes, etc. Sure,  I'm grateful to have great parents who were loving and accepting and I plan on modeling my eventual marriage to theirs but i admit my growing up was not the norm.

I've met far too many people who've been put off by parents, co workers, politicians and people in pulpits who prefer we go "quietly into the night"

(Thank goodness for the open message of MCC, I know longer hear any person in  pulpit who can put me down).

I do realize ST never had any openly queer people, it's the overall message of a community beyond our boarders, acceptance of new and "odd" societies through a Prime Directive that can mean so much.

Let's you and I go Boldly into a new venture, see life as wonderful, explore new worlds even in our own back yard

While were at it, let's help our kin by donating to the SMART Ride

Thursday, September 27, 2012


“Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.”

--Jerome K. Jerome

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


"He's so..." or "I don't like.."   Do those comments  get to you as much as they do me?   By now, good regular reader you know I keep an upbeat attitude and see (or really really try) to see the good in all people.

Those words "We are all created with certain unalienable rights..." hold true to me and my thoughts & actions.

My business card says it for me "Creating Hope & Building Bridges"

Words that put people DOWN don't build HOPE. Let's inspire people not make them perspire in our words!!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Today's the Day

For those who subscribe or otherwise have been following me. you know my home was broken into & robbed. That was two weeks ago.

This evening, I heard four distinct gunshots within one block of my home

I thought about moving after the  break in & then life sort of felt normal

This large two bedroom place is very affordable. I have a large back yard, wonderful neighbor and decent land lord.

Besides that moving itself is stressful.   This is not an easy desicion but one I need to make.  Going back to the "Island City" of Wilton Manors would bring me MUCH closer to work, shopping and going out. Rent will be significantly higher.

This grad student working part time takes all this into account.

Regardless, today is the day I'll make it happen

Friday, September 21, 2012


"I'm neither an optimist or a pessimist but an possiblist"
    - Max Lerner

We can create our  own ISTs as needed.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


A friend of mine said this at the end of a class tonight & I agree (and  even wrote about it before)

"There's only one person that can  make YOU change... and that person is YOU! or who's the ONE person that can make you change?... YOU

I've found many of my thoughts are like yours: Repetitive. It's in learning I/We grow, change and make changes.

If our repetitive thoughts are "I'm no good" or "I'll never get that new job/promotion/raise" odds are you wont.

Sure I'm going back here but being repetitive about GOOD thoughts, I hope to ingrain them in my mind.

"You is kind
"You is smart
"You is important"

Let's change those words from  The Help to WE/I words
"I am kind, I am  smart, I am important"

A rephrase I heard from Rev. Jesse Jackson at Operation PUSH that never left my memory is

"I AM SOME" and the entire room chanted back "SOME BODY"

As he's want to do and good at, he repeats that three times and between the Rev and the people those two phrases become one


You dear friend and reader, can make the change from "stinkin' thinking" to KNOWING your goodness.

When I moved to Ft Lauderdale, it was (among a few things) a time & place to re create ME. I chose to make a change in how I act & view life.

It seems to be working because I believe it & I believe you can too

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The GOOD Stuff

I'm in a class called "Wresting With God Without Getting Pinned" and am learning more about words, hierarchy, respect & love than I had imagined.

Some people called or revered as "hero's" in the Bible are schmucks.

I won't go into details as I'm still (and always will be a student of scripture) but reading Genesis again in a new way, my feelings of liberation for all oppressed people grows stronger.

It's also why I  support the HIV Stigma Project.  Sure I'm HIV enhanced but not "dirty or unclean"   Heck I shower often, wash dishes like any OCD person would and such.

Keeping "The GOOD stuff" foremost in all things means more than reading with understanding, being faithful and aware.  It's knowing that we all have something in us that is GOOD.

I see that in the comments people make about my messages, in acts of kindness around us.

I see your goodness by you being YOU

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I Can

‎"There is something within us that says 'I can' - and at this point, the moment you say, 'I can,' something begins to change." 
                          - Frank Richelieu (courtesy of Durrell Watkins)


Can we talk here? After it's just between you & me, right?  I messed up. More than once I made an error.

Hey it's how I became HIV positive:  Some of the guys I dated; two business I started that didn't "bizz"

As an addictions counselor, I know in the "12 Steps"  I've been able to apply a few to my life

#5: Admitting to my self and another person my wrong

By applying #10: Continue to take personal inventory and when wrong, promptly admit it

But there's A LOT more to redeeming my mistakes: My ownership and admittance alone wont work

For me, it's seeing what went wrong and  making a wise choice.

I must process the event, see where I could have done better and seek an apolgy

Emotionally, guilt and shame can start to eat away at our inner core: It's when I/We can see the error and move on that I/We can feel redeemed.